Listening vs. Obeying

Parents often complain that their child doesn’t listen, but what they actually mean is that their child doesn’t obey. It helps to use the proper term.

While this may seem like pedantry, being specific provides clarity in two ways:

1. For the child who is still learning what words mean, mixing listening-as-hearing with listening-as-obeying is confusing. The child is most likely listening to the request even if they disregard it, so scolding them for not listening is misleading.
2. For the parent who doesn’t yet take children seriously, mixing listening-as-hearing with listening-as-obeying is a cop out. A parent demanding that their child obey confronts more honestly the emotional impact of their demand than a parent who tells their child to listen.